A Hard Road to Follow

The next piece in my puzzle deciding I was Transgendered was an encounter at the Ringling Bros. & Barnum and Bailey Circus in 1987 with Big Bob. My experience went like this:

My family and I went to see the show and we were in the Big Top five ring part of the show when they brought out all of the cast, animals and trainers, it was nearing the end of the day and this was their finale. I was thirsty and wanted to find a restroom and a drink and this time I was able to go on my own. Usually my parents never left sight of me, and always made sure I was not getting into trouble. I had a bad habit of doing things, or attempting to, with animals or dressing as my sister did. My sexuality was greatly messed up in those days and I was a mess mentally and emotionally as well.

This one time I went alone. Within minutes I was lost and could not find my way around the tents, people and vehicles and just picked a tent to urinate in, and I did swiftly. It was a dimly lit tent with clothing piled over wardrobes and a make-up desk and mirrors. People were talking not too far away from me so I had to hurry. Before I knew it i was being watched by someone. I turned to my right and saw a short man with his make-up half on, he was a clown and dwarf.

Quickly I dressed myself and was about to leave but he came forward and spoke to me and told me to calm down and relax, it is nothing to be ashamed of. To be ashamed of? What did he mean? He came closer and I tensed up, but he smiled and said the size of my wang-doodle. It was nothing to be ashamed of and he said that his was the same size and he is barely 3'5. I blushed and was unable to speak much being so shy.

Jokingly he said he would show me his if I would show him mine. I almost ran out of the tent but then I remembered I am unsure what or who I am. Girls avoided me and boys did to. So I said it is a deal. he showed me his and I returned the favor.

Needless to say, without getting into graphic detail, I lost my virginity to this charming Circus midget 'Big Bob'. He was from Altus, Oklahoma and has lived here since 1960. I never knew the things he had done were possible, it opened my eyes. He remarked on my femininity and how I would probably look better as a girl, and that I should try it more often. Ignore my parents and do what I want. I never thought of that before. High School was almost here in a year and I had a plan for after school that would give me the chance I needed to express my true inner self with no inhibitions.